giant chicken man at FASTCORP

***** The hub and I were driving aimlessly around northern Wisconsin last weekend while his truck was at the auto body shop (we figured if we stayed home we would fight over the one remaining vehicle, my car so better to both take it somewhere) when I spied a 10-foot fiberglass mouse just sitting in someone's yard, like an over-fertilized piece of lawn kudzu. It looked like one that sits in front of a cheese store in Door County except its nose was chipped off.

There appeared to be no reason for its being there; the house at the back of the lawn was of the nondescript, gently shabby dwelling you see so often in the sub-employed zone. The mouse was not part of a plant display, held no sign, pointed to nothing. It was just there. Presumably the owners got a bargain because of the nose nip. Nonetheless, I was glad to see it. I really like big fiberglass animals.

In fact, I am of the opinion that every person, place and thing in the state ought to have its own giant, symbolic fiberglass sculpture. Not only would you know at a glance exactly what was in each adjoining establishment, it would make the landscape a whole lot more interesting.

For instance, we agree that Elkhorn really ought to have a giant Beast of Bray Road, or wolf-man dressed in ragged cutoffs, standing on its courthouse square downtown. Of course, Elkhorn also needs an elk. Maybe the Beast and elk could be locked in mortal combat, to represent the battle that would surely take place amongst the town fathers over the mere idea. I suggest you all write letters to the Elkhorn Chamber of Commerce demanding this museum-of-natural-history-worthy tableau. But, um, don't say Linda sent you. Better to act like you just thought of it yourself.

giant animal yard at FASTCORP in Sparta

Everybody is familiar with Hayward's giant musky and fishing museum, for instance. Hayward has gotten itself into enough tourism books with that musky to pay for a giant sample of every known fish in Wisconsin.

Individuals could have statues too. I actually know a lady with an elephant collection who fully intended to buy a big fiberglass elephant for her rural Elkhorn yard, until she found out how much they cost. It was so much she wouldn't even tell me. (Elkhornians are by nature discreet when it comes to discussing money.) Financing issues aside, once you are aware of the need for giant, fiberglass statues, it becomes easy to visualize them everywhere. When I accompanied my husband to the Sugar Creek Bait shop the other evening to buy some helgramites for his next fishing trip, I was sitting there thinking how many more customers would be lured if only the shop had a giant, pink, coiled up worm wearing a fishing cap sitting close to the road. (I had to reject the idea of a giant helgramite, or dragonfly larva, because it would look like something out of a horror movie. Cool, but bad for business maybe)

I'd also like to see giant paper bags overflowing with bananas and rutabaga in grocery store parking lots, and K-Marts with gargantuan likenesses of Dustin Hoffman wearing the boxer shorts he bought there as Rain Man.

You get the biggie-sized picture. Our state would look something like the old Storybook Land at Wisconsin Dells, with fantasy creatures at every turn. People would come from places other than Illinois... Iowa, maybe or Indiana....to see it. They wouldn't call us Cheeseheads anymore, they'd call us Statue Schlemiels or Fiberglass Freaks.--- Of course, you can't buy humongous pop culture icons at your local discount store. Where to go? Try http://www.fastkorp.com/ FASTCORP in Sparta, Wisconsin. See, we'd even be supporting a home state industry! They do those grinning Big Boys, plus cows, dinosaurs, 8-foot roosters and much much more including the Hayward musky. Their factory's front yard is a constant photo shoot waiting to happen. Their company motto is, "We create awareness, appreciation and happiness through bigger than life Art Sculpture Objects and Statues." Happiness through giant sculptures. Wasn't that my point... exactly?

See either http://www.cnb-scene.com/fastcorp.html or the book, Weird Wisconsin, Your Travel Guide to Wisconsin's Local Legends and Best Kept Secrets for more on FASTCORP